Boring-Ass Shit: Capitalism and Professor Vellesteros’s Thought Experiment

Let me tell you a little something about communism. Let’s say a man by the name of John lives in Capitalist Philippines. First of all, let me say that he’s fucked freedom wise. Second of all, let’s say he works for eighty-hours a week. That’s a whopper. But his friend Tristan only works for twenty-hours a week. That’s measly. At the end of the day, what happens? Well, both of them still get the same wage, the same goods, the same rights and both stay at the same economic class. How’s that for a fuck you to the fruits of your labor?

In communism no one owns anything. Everything belongs to the collective. Yeah, like the Borg in Star Trek. Those mindless robot things that – as far as I know – do nothing but assimilate and try to survive. No art, no sex, no nothing. So even if you want to try and gain enough dough to gain more resources, you can’t. Because you will get what the others get. And if you want to get rich, to get more for yourself, you’ll have to make everyone else work harder. What the motherfucking hell is that about? If they can’t work hard enough to get a PS3, I don’t get one too? Even if I work my ass off? What? Even if I get a PS3 it’s not mine? Fuck!

Oh, thank the Baby Jesus for Capitalism. In Capitalism, you get what you work for. That’s how it should be. If you’ve worked hard, then you should be given a fucking prize. If you’re a slob, then you should be fucking punished. Easy shit. Practical, predictable, and free. I like being free. Everyone should be free.

Now, Professor Vallesteros there has provided me a thought-experiment about the “flaws” of Capitalism. I paraphrased it to sound less retarded than when it first appeared:

“Let’s say there are two brothers. Both of which get an inheritance. One of the brothers live on this, the other continues to do his job. Once the first brother runs out of an inheritance, the others supply him with his salary. Why does the first one get to live life comfortably with a steady amount of money even without hard work?”

That is stupid. Don’t you agree? First of all, this isn’t a flaw of Capitalism; it’s a flaw on the second brother’s ability to fucking think. Why the hell would you supply your brother if he’s perfectly able to work? There are certain freedoms in Capitalism that indeed do give you a right to supply your brother – but why is that a flaw? No one’s being cheated. No one’s being distressed. Yes, it’s unfair but what the hell does anyone care if it doesn’t hurt anyone? You may complain if your grade is lower in class when your teacher promised you all equal grades, that’s because it’ll hurt your final average. You may complain if the food in your restaurant is a smaller portion than the other’s because you won’t get a satisfied. But what the hell hurts if that guy doesn’t work? Income? Hell no. Market prices? Fuck no. Pride? Maybe. Ego? Your fucking ego hurts that you work when he’s not? Well, fuck your ego. It’s these kinds of people that would rather mind the business of others then work on their own that destroy Capitalism altogether.

Professor Vallesteros is a communist. He wants everyone to do the same thing to get the same result. That is exactly what freedom is against: uniformity. Capitalism isn’t about people working: it’s about people being free. Free to do whatever you want with your money, free to sell what they want, and free to get what they can – all set within a pretty idiot-proof framework. So fuck brother A and brother B, they’re just as free as anyone. To hell with brother B if he wants to burden himself. Who fucking cares? The important thing is: you’re free. You don’t have to share if you don’t want to. You don’t have to buy if you don’t want to. But, most importantly, you don’t have to stick to crap if you just work hard enough.

There are a lot more to say about this beautiful economic system – but you’re already fucking bored (or, you’ll be) if I go too far into it. But you get the basics. Now go and buy something – celebrate your right to do so. Then laugh at Communist China.